Revelation - While We Sleep

The dawn is breaking. You tell me to look at the magnificence of it; how wondrous it is and how incredible the lights are. I mumble out something that resembles affirmation, hell, I could be saying yellow bananas and you won't even notice. It's that time of the day when you hear but choose not to listen. Completely enamored with the promising sun, your brain tick-tocks away, working on things I can never ever know. I look away, unable to bear the tantalizing light. I hate dawn. I despise dawn. I abhor dawn. But of course, I don't tell you all this, but dawn is fucking disgusting.

Sunset, now that I like. Sunset is when the worldly things dwindle away and I get you. The noises muted, the light dim. I get you. A whole night ahead without the trouble of others. Just two. Or one. Not that any of it matters to you... but it does to me. Every sunset seems to be the point of no return, that final night but dawn comes anyway and you return. And there I am, always, standing at that very point, a needle stuck on the edge of a record. One drifting away, another down. Eternity still on hold.

Let's go then. Off we go, chap-chap. We skip through dreams. The green, purple, pink, yellow, blue, gray, black, white, light salmon, glitter dreams. Colors explode left and right, the sounds of those color cannons deliciously deafening. I follow you into nightmares too, that scary depth of subconscious thought which I'm too much of a chicken to explore by myself. Into darkness ahead, we run, as fast as possible, but dawn follows us. The approach is more audible every second and I get tired. I beg you to slow down, hold my hand, help me run but you never stop. After all, no matter how dark the nightmares are, the dreams don't stop and wait for you, right? You told me that. Ages ago. Or last night? I'm not sure. It feels like ages to me. Could be both.

We reach the fields of Gallifrey. Red grass rustles and dry leaves crunches beneath our steps. The eerie quiet grows louder in our ears. The wind does a little twirl around you. I stay behind, watching you carefully take each step forward, not saying a single word. Loud. Louder. Loudest. I'm going deaf. Tired and pretty much fucked, I head towards the exit from this hell to end the torture in form of you, but it's that cursed moment. That bloody instant when you grab me by the arm and blink at me, and we're frozen in time and I'm stuck in your eyes. Don't leave, please don't leave, don't go, just stay... no, not really. I know I promised that I would follow you into the night, or any kind of dark space, but I can't follow you into yours. It's too much to bear. I have a billion acres of uncharted territory to explore, I can't handle another billion. Of course I don't know the exact number. I wasn't asking you that. Then what was it, what did you really ask me? What? Just stay. No, no can do, sorry. Okay, maybe I can do that, can I? Your galaxies bring out the truth of my black holes, I'm not so sure if I like that. I'm so fucking confused about everything.

"Here at your feet, I rest my head. Hear the roar of time, the birth of stars."

Yeah, yeah, I get that. I must allow all the good things to penetrate my life, well... they'd have to get past the guard first. How the hell would I know, maybe the guard liked your pretty face, go ask him that, not me. It's not a conscious choice. I want results damnit. I do too, do-too-do-to-to-do. It's not always a snap of fingers. Let's just get out of here, we'll go back to the edge. What is it now? Oh really, thanks, really, a bouquet of gratitude. Okay, take it. My sun and stars, I don't know where they are, didn't I give them to you? Here's the moon for you. What do you mean you don't want that? I don't want it either. Okay, we'll get rid of it. I'm no femme fatale, you've got it all backwards, baby. I'm just... I don't know what I am. Can we do it later? Not just now? Fine then, I'll stay.

We exit through the gate of infinite silence and unspoken words, to back where we started, our stories melting into each other. The dawn catches up with us. The same routine will begin tomorrow. And the other day. And the one after that. The sun shines brighter as we slowly merge with reality again and you fade away. Away. Away. But even the dawn, even the light isn't real. I gave my sun and stars to you, and you threw my moon away. I inherited your heart's darkness and when that's combined with the darkness in mine, no matter how sunny the day it is, my world - my real world - is just twilight. Twilight now. Twilight forever.

Come and let me out of here.

We need to slow down, so I can catch you.

We need to slow down, so you can catch me.

#insomnium